Still Around

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I've been enjoying the summer with the kids.

Yes, I have 2 months as of August 8th. I am so grateful!

My marriage is good, actually better than it's been in many months.

Ally has been working all summer, she's managed to put almost $1,000 in her savings account. She's proven herself such a good worker that they have asked her to stay on when school starts.

Trevor is returning to public school. We can't pay the tuition any longer. Our financial future is extremely uncertain and after much thought we decided that we had no other choice. Trevor is ecstatic. The private school is giving us a little trouble, stating that we signed a contract, blah blah blah. We did sign a contract but nowhere in it does it state that the contract will be held if you remove your child before the school year begins. I start worrying every so often but I realize that God is in control and that all will ok.

Abby has spent the entire summer reading the Twilight series, she's now on her 2nd time through. She starts field hockey soon. Dance starts in September but she's dropping toe which means less money and less time.

As for me, I'm still working on getting healthy. I have tried a trial gluten free diet and then reintroduced gluten and I am returning to gluten free because I feel so much better.

Life is good.

Life Kinda

Today I have one month. It's kinda weird to say that since I've already had one month before, I actually remember getting my chip. Anyway, need to keep my focus on today.

Summer is just moving along for us. Ally has a job and works 4-5 days a week, she's making good money-saving some and spending some. Trevor is finishing travel lacrosse this weekend, he has a tournament in Walkersville,MD and because it's a bit far for us to travel back and forth we are staying nearby in Frederick. Football starts next week so there is no down time, Trev says he won't play travel lacrosse next summer because he wants a break in between spring lacrosse and football. Suits me just fine. Abby is enjoying the Twilight series of books, she's like me and loves to read.

JR and I are, well, trying. We are caught in a tug of war. I keep taking my will back in this situation and of course, it is not getting better. The Family Afterwards describes us to a T in the first few paragraphs.

I don't know how to mend this. I feel like I should be doing something.

I have alot I'd love to say here but I just can't find the words. It's hard for me to see how broken our family has become.

Even so, the desire to drink has been lifted from me and I am so grateful for that. Even though life is off kilter, I know that it will be ok. Somehow. For that I am grateful.

No More Tears

I was laying bed, crying and my bulldog who is always with me, realized I was crying and he came and put his face right up to mine. We stayed that way for a few moments and then he started to lick my tears away.

And you know, I couldn't continue feeling sorry for myself after that.

How could I?

Maybe....

Someday I will be good enough
Someday the house will be clean enough
Someday I'll be perfect

Someday I won't tense up when you return home from work
Someday I'll stop dreaming of running away from you

Someday I won't seek your approval
Someday I won't gauge your moods
Someday I'll just let you pout
Someday I won't try and fix everything

Someday

Soggy but Sober

I still haven't found my voice here yet.

I am still sober. So grateful.

Life is good even with the tremendous amount of rain we've been having for weeks, even though it's barely in the 60's in the middle of June, even though all this crazy weather makes my fibromyalgia scream.

My kids are doing good, all are now enjoying summer vacation.

JR and I are doing better. I don't know what it was but since the relapse something changed. Maybe because I was more open?

Work is starting to pick up a little.

My Mack Daddy puppy dog is doing well too. I just love him and he loves me.

Hope all is well with you and I hope to get back to visiting blogs again.

Time To Be Honest

AA is an honest program so take a look to your right and check out the new sobriety date.

Yes, I relapsed. For 4 days, 4 days of craziness and misery.

Glad to be back in the fold again.

I take full responsibility. No excuses.

I'm Here

• I am still sober
• Just been busy with life
• The spring lacrosse season is winding to a close
• I am ready for things to slow down again
• My fibromyalgia has been off the hook the last few weeks
• Some days I just don't know how to deal with the pain but yet I do
• I am sensitive to weather changes, I can predict rain better then any meteorologist
• I have a new sponsor, she and I could not be more different but we seem to fit
• Trevor has been getting in trouble in school and has been a real shit here at home at times
• His teachers are suggesting testing for ADD or ADHD
• How much is it just being a hormonal 13 year old boy?
• I am looking forward to the end of the school year, I need a break from dragging kids out of the house by 7:15, homework, projects
• Abby has lacrosse tournaments the first weekend of June in Ocean City, MD, I'm hoping for lots of sun and good times
• I hope to one day get back into blogging again, I'm around, lurking in the background, just staying quiet for some reason