I have learned that my happiness is up to me. What do you do when someone you love doesn't see that the same applies to him?
How do I not give in to my codependent behaviors and drive myself crazy trying to make him happy? I know I can't do that anymore because it only causes me to feel resentful and just as the Big Book says-resentment is the number one offender for alcoholics.
It makes me so sad to see him unhappy. I know that work is stressful and our future is a bit scary. It scares me too but I've got the tools to work through it. He doesn't.
I try to be understanding, I try to be compassionate. But it's hard. I'm tired of walking on eggshells, I'm tired of never knowing what mood he is going to be in. I'm mad at myself for always feeling the need to gauge his moods then I get mad at him because I feel that way.
I don't know how to be nice when he's moody. I just want to run away from it.
I hate the awkwardness between us. It makes me sad.
How did we get here?