The past week was one of those weeks that I'm glad to have behind me. It was like at every turn I had one situation after another.
I have never once thought that getting sober would make all my problems just disappear. Getting sober has been a gift full of wonderful things and I wouldn't trade all that I have learned.
However, when you're sober you're forced to actually feel and that is hard.
And with all that I have learned through AA I have come to see my unhealthy habits or ways of coping. I may not be drinking but I'm using other behaviors to try and dull the emotions and feelings that come with life.
I will have 1 year on March 31st. I don't know if I'm getting all squirrely because of that.
I sit in meetings and listen to those who say they don't even think about drinking, that they can be around alcohol and it doesn't bother them. Then I start to wonder if I'm doing something wrong or is that something that comes with time?
See, I still think about drinking. Not everyday but throw a tough situation my way and my brain goes to wanting to drink because I'm looking for an escape.
And I have been around alcohol a few times since getting sober and I didn't have to white knuckel my way through but I did find myself looking at the bottles of wine and watching people drink it. I didn't long for it but I was keenly aware of it's presence.
I have to be mindful. For instance, I still do not go to the one grocery store that is next to the liquor store that I went to all the time. I don't like to go there so I don't.
I know there is nothing wrong with that because I need to protect my sobriety at all costs. I'm not going to put myself in the line of fire.
I really want to live healthy. I'm tired of having to use food or whatever to escape.
I'm sorry I haven't been around to comment on any blogs. I do read but right now, I just don't have much to say. I'm hurting, I'm a little scared and I just don't have much left over.
But through it all I'm remaining sober and for that I am grateful.
find your fire
8 hours ago