At the noon meeting yesterday a guy who has 19 years of sobriety said that he could sit on a keg of beer and have no desire to drink it. That he knows he could be completely alone in a brewery and not drink. He talked about the part in the BB, I think in A Vision For You where it says how we cease fighting everything and everyone. And how he doesn't fight alcohol anymore. He said that's what should happen if you are recovering/recovered, whatever. That he can go anywhere now because it's just not an issue, that he doesn't even think about drinking anymore because he no longer has an alcoholic mind.
This got me thinking and questioning. I can say that I don't fight alcohol anymore but do I think about it from time to time? Absolutely. I did fight the desire to drink every single day the first 4 months. I had to take it minute by minute. But thanks to the grace of God and working the steps, I don't struggle like that anymore.
But I do think about drinking every now and again.
And because I choose to not put myself in certain situations, does that make me not recovering? I thought that was protecting my sobriety.
I'd love to have your take on this.
We are the Gatherers.....
8 months ago
6 comments:
Me: 8.5 years sober and I still think about it. I have great confidence that I won't do it, but I still think about it form time to time.
But here is what I think (ha!)...
No one person is alike. We are all different. Don't use this guy's testament of his recovery as a yardstick by which to compare your own. I have found that once we start saying things like "I never" and "I won't" we start setting ourselves up for a reality check.
You are doing just fine...don't worry.
Tyra, I agree w Kristin--you are doinf just F.I.N.E., even questioning what you have heard at a meeting from an "expert" -grin!
Please COPY the following, and put is somewhere you'll see it often, e.g., refrigerator, purse, bathroom mirror, etc.
"THE DEAD DRUG LEAVES A GHOST BEHIND. AT CERTAIN HOURS IT HAUNTS THE HOUSE."
Less important is who said it...but, for the record: Jean Cocteau, French novelist and filmmaker.
Bless you and yours, Tyra.
Steve E.
i still think about it. i will not put myself into unnecessarily tempting situations. i will NOT sit on a keg of beer, go to a brewery, work for a wine merchant, etc etc etc. i think that would be a foolish temptation. one i'd be able to resist most and every day, 'til that one day... need i say more?
MOST of the time the thought of drinking doesn't hit my head anymore. When I do think of it - it is desiring the taste of red wine - not for going unconscious. I never feel the need for escape by using alcohol anymore. I'll 'use' other things - like food, or shopping or reading.. more 'healthy' options to stop the mind chatter briefly. So, yeah, the THOUGHT will still hit my head 'wouldn't it be nice to ...' but i have the power to say no today. Sometimes I think it is mostly a bit of self-pity and comparison to others who CAN drink. I hear the thoughts out and let them go - not believe everything I think.
I hope that one day the whole 'recovered', 'recovering' etc. will make sense to my mind but i choose not to worry about it anymore simply b/c it is futile and drives me bonkers. So i just do my own 'deal' each day.. meditation, exercise, byron katie's work, nature walks, learning new things, being aware of what i'm focusing on etc. It's a mixed bag for me at the moment. We all do this life thing and recovery deal our way ya know? What works for one, may not work for another. someone said once 'do MORE of what WORKS and LESS of what doesn't'.. that is just the way of it..
danny s speaks quite a bit on recovered/recovering over at his site if you want to visit there.. i think it is recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com
but there seems to be two takes on it in AA to me. it can be confusing for sure.
so anyhoo, you aren't alone in questioning any of this. it is good to question sometimes :)
Not me, not yet. I still mentally prepare for the occasional social gathering where I will be with a group of drinkers, although I don't really *think* about it often anymore.
There will be a point for me, at least I am pretty sure there will be, where I feel the same way about drinking as I do about cigarettes. There is no way I would EVER touch one of those nasty things again.
(my apologies to any smokers out there...)
If an alcoholic sits long enough on that keg O' alcohol.....he will eventually get a hemmoroid!
(paraphrasing the "barber shop" theory)
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