Complication

You know, I really think I'm starting to get this turn it all over to God and let Him run the show thing.

It's really that simple.

But yet, being the good alcoholic that I am, I take something so very simple and complicate the hell out of it.

I turn my will over and then yank it back. It's a wonder I can lift my arms for all the yanking I do.

I'm still not comfortable chairing meetings. I feel like I stumble over my words, I go blank, I don't make any sense. I don't want to say the wrong thing. Am I complicating it? Probably.

Today is supposed to get into the 60's, I hope so. My aching body needs some warmth. I am glad that I have managed to walk twice this week while at the park during Abby's lacrosse practices. I get discouraged when I see just how out of shape I have become but I can't focus on that. I need to focus on the positive and how I've walked twice this week which is more than last week. Progress....

Dear God,

Ok, I get it.

I've had my hands on the wheel long enough.

It's time to let go and trust you.

Not just with my sobriety. But with everything.

Even my children who I love more than I love myself.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking care of us even with me standing in the way.

I am still sad. I feel a bit lost, shaken. My world as I knew it looks different, feels different.

I guess that's what I needed.

Maybe if I wasn't so stubborn, you wouldn't have had to get my attention in such a drastic way.

I just need to remember that you know what's best.

Is it wrong that I feel scared?

I hope not because I am scared.

Love,

Me