I remember when I was a little girl how I would put your hands over my face after you had put on your High Karate cologne. I was always amazed at how big your hands were and how they would cover my whole face.
I remember laying with you and using your arm as a pillow. I remember playing checkers with you and you never, ever let me win but I was ok with that.
I remember riding with you in your truck that had so many lights it almost looked like a Christmas tree. I remember how you would go fast to make the engine sing and how you would let me blow the horn at all my friends as we rode through town. I remember being so proud of my name being painted on that truck.
I remember thinking you were the strongest man on earth and you know, I still think that.
I got my blue eyes and blonde hair from you. I got my ability to sense bullshit from you. I point my finger when I'm trying to get something across to someone like you. I love to put applesauce on biscuits like you and when I get my Downey's milkshake I have to get fries like you. I love lots of lights on my Christmas tree and I'm extremely picky about how the ornaments are placed like you.
I miss you. I am forever thankful that we made peace with one another. I'm thankful that I was able to help you through what was a very hard time. I try not to dwell on wishing we'd not waited so long but I do wish that. You will never know the healing that came with you wanting to be with me, that you did love me.
I believe that you and Mom are both in heaven, looking down on me. I believe you both watch over me and sometimes, I think I almost feel your presence. I know you have watched me struggle but I want you both to know that I'm going to be ok. I will miss you always but I promise to try and live my life the way you'd want me to.
I am happy that you are no longer in pain, I am happy you are at peace.
Today I will bake Christmas cookies with the kids, I will spend time with Kathy and Drew. I will still probably wait for you to walk through the door. I just need to remind myself that you are already there.
I love you Daddy,
Christmas is here
3 days ago