Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Dear Dad,

I remember when I was a little girl how I would put your hands over my face after you had put on your High Karate cologne. I was always amazed at how big your hands were and how they would cover my whole face.

I remember laying with you and using your arm as a pillow. I remember playing checkers with you and you never, ever let me win but I was ok with that.

I remember riding with you in your truck that had so many lights it almost looked like a Christmas tree. I remember how you would go fast to make the engine sing and how you would let me blow the horn at all my friends as we rode through town. I remember being so proud of my name being painted on that truck.

I remember thinking you were the strongest man on earth and you know, I still think that.

I got my blue eyes and blonde hair from you. I got my ability to sense bullshit from you. I point my finger when I'm trying to get something across to someone like you. I love to put applesauce on biscuits like you and when I get my Downey's milkshake I have to get fries like you. I love lots of lights on my Christmas tree and I'm extremely picky about how the ornaments are placed like you.

I miss you. I am forever thankful that we made peace with one another. I'm thankful that I was able to help you through what was a very hard time. I try not to dwell on wishing we'd not waited so long but I do wish that. You will never know the healing that came with you wanting to be with me, that you did love me.

I believe that you and Mom are both in heaven, looking down on me. I believe you both watch over me and sometimes, I think I almost feel your presence. I know you have watched me struggle but I want you both to know that I'm going to be ok. I will miss you always but I promise to try and live my life the way you'd want me to.

I am happy that you are no longer in pain, I am happy you are at peace.

Today I will bake Christmas cookies with the kids, I will spend time with Kathy and Drew. I will still probably wait for you to walk through the door. I just need to remind myself that you are already there.

I love you Daddy,

Ty

10 comments:

Shadow said...

you brought tears to my eyes. a lesson there... don't wait 'til it's too late... lots of love and merry christmas!

♥Shann♥ said...

**sniff sniff** That was really beautiful
Merry Christmas
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♥Shann♥ said...

**sniff sniff** That was really beautiful
Merry Christmas
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨★
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¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨*♥*o*
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¨¨¨¨¨.._________/¨¨¨

♥Shann♥ said...

oh man I lost my comment
Your post deeply touched me, thank you for sharin and Merry Christmas
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Gabriella Moonlight said...

Oh Tyra this was beautiful and thank you for writing it. I am in tears, but they are of joy and peace. Much love to you and your family...happy Christmas.
G

Anybeth said...

That's a beautiful post. I'm sure he read it too, over your shoulder while you wrote it.
Happy Holidays to you.

Kristin H. said...

((hug))

Lou said...

Thank God you made peace with each other. Lovely tribute.

J-Online said...

What a beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing this. I can imaging your parents looking down so proud of the woman you have become. Many blessings to you. Jenn

Queenneenee said...

I too lost my Dad at Christmas time. My Mom followed a few years later. Its awful lonely without them, but I feel their presence every moment of every day. I feel ya girl.