I am completely out of sorts and it sucks. I'm spending way too much time trying to figure out why and I don't even know if I should be doing that.
I have this underlying feeling of things being completely out of control, it's internal. It's not like things at home aren't good, things are actually pretty normal. Work is the same. Our money situation is the same.
Could it be Christmas?
I do have our work Christmas party on Friday, I'm a little apprehensive about it because the wine will be flowing and boy did I drink there last year. However, it's not like I will have anyone pushing the alcohol on me, I just don't relish the thought of being around all those that will be drinking.
I can't blame it on PMS either.
I'm feeling a little bit lost. I'm considering starting my steps over since my first sponsor and I only met once to work the steps. I would love to get involved in an intensive study of the Big Book. I have found a meeting that does that on Thursday nights in a neighboring town, it would probably do me good to go to a different meeting and meet new people.
I found myself thinking yesterday that I just don't know if I can do this and that scares me. I have 8 months and I treasure my sobriety.
I'm going to keep holding on, I'm going to pray.
I won't give up.
Christmas is here
3 days ago