Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Expecting Is Not Always Good

I want to thank all of you for your insight on my last post. It gave me alot to think about. I talked on the phone with a good friend last night, someone that I trust completely. She helped me to see that I'm disappointed. I am disappointed. I guess I expected more out of them because several of them have alot of sobriety. However, I need to remember they are human, just like me which means they are not perfect and I have no business expecting them to be. And I know that expectations are resentments waiting to happen. So I'm on a slippery slope here and I need to step off it.

There's a part of me that wonders if these people are even my friends. They probably are to the degree that they are able. And just because I wouldn't do that to someone, I shouldn't expect that they won't. See, there's that word again-expect.

I'm not sure yet what to do about the AA convention. I would hate to not go and miss out on what I'm told is an awesome experience. I think I will be fine as long as we're busy going to the convention and not sitting around the condo and having a gossipfest. I don't know. I'm not going to worry about that right now, I'm putting it in God's hands and I trust that everything will work out fine, even if it means I stay home.

I just got back from taking the kids to school. The house is quiet except for the snoring of my bulldog who is curled up next to me. I'm going into work soon, I told them I would be late. I need some alone time, some quiet time.

Today's Daily Reflections reading is so fitting I'm going to end my post with it:

"WE PAUSE.....AND ASK"

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 87

Today I humbly ask my Higher Power for the grace to find the space between my impulse and my action; to let flow a cooling breeze when I could respond with heat; to interrupt fierceness with gentle peace; to accept the moment which allows judgment to become discernment; to defer to silence when my tongue would rush to attack or defend.

I promise to watch for every opportunity to turn toward my Higher Power for guidance. I know where this power is: it resides within me, as clear as a mountain brook, hidden in the hills-it is the unsuspected Inner Resource.

I thank my Higher Power for this world of light and truth I see when I allow it to direct my vision. I trust it today and hope it trusts me to make all effort to find the right thought or action today.

8 comments:

Patty said...

Hey, girl, just catching up with ya'. Many do not "like" my sponsor either. Too bad for them! The fact that the gossip makes you feel icky, shows your growth. Sometimes in sobriety we make friends, and we seem to be on the same page for a while, sometimes we "outgrow" them. It does mean that we are better than them, or do not love them, but we need to move on for ourselves so that we continue to grow and be around healthy people. Remember, when most of come in as far as friends are concerned, our pickers are broken. I think you are tuning in your picker, and just need the courage to change the things you can. Choosing to be around healthy, recovering people......FOR YOU! It's OK. Hugs out to ya girlfriend!

molly said...

years of sobriety is nice but it isn't the quantity - it is the quality i've heard others say.

i tend to dislike hearing others talking about other people for several reasons.. one involves self-centered fear - if they say that about them, what are they saying about ME??. the other thing is that it just feels icky - serves no purpose - is a downer - isn't necessary. mindless chatter really. so to hear people do it can be very disappointing b/c we know we all deserve much better than that. !!

the convention sounds like fun. perhaps you could get your own room - take your own car. or stay home - whatever feels right to you.

Sarah said...

Very wonderfully put. Isn't nice to put a name to what you are feeling - disappointment. I always feel just slightly better when I can recognize why I am feeling a certain way.

♥Shann♥ said...

I hope you feel lifted today, I hope you feel at ease more today. I know people and reltionships with the people in our life are tricky for sure. I hope you had the nice quiet morning

J-Online said...

I'm catching up too and love this post. You really sound good and like your doing the right things for you!

Cat said...

My husband is a dry drunk - not drinking but not fully in recovery either...I think if you have a spinder that works for you - than that is all that matters.

clean and crazy said...

Sounds like you were able to listen with an open mind and a loving heart to your trusted freind. You really do not want to miss a convention, they are so very powerful and huge jolts of recovery. I love them I got to go to the world convention in San Antonio for NA and it was amazing!! We are planning to go in San Diego in 2012!!

Shadow said...

disappointment. mmm, that is a powerful emotion. keep your eyes and ears open and you'll find your way off the slippery path. good luck dear tyra!