I want to thank all of you for your insight on my last post. It gave me alot to think about. I talked on the phone with a good friend last night, someone that I trust completely. She helped me to see that I'm disappointed. I am disappointed. I guess I expected more out of them because several of them have alot of sobriety. However, I need to remember they are human, just like me which means they are not perfect and I have no business expecting them to be. And I know that expectations are resentments waiting to happen. So I'm on a slippery slope here and I need to step off it.
There's a part of me that wonders if these people are even my friends. They probably are to the degree that they are able. And just because I wouldn't do that to someone, I shouldn't expect that they won't. See, there's that word again-expect.
I'm not sure yet what to do about the AA convention. I would hate to not go and miss out on what I'm told is an awesome experience. I think I will be fine as long as we're busy going to the convention and not sitting around the condo and having a gossipfest. I don't know. I'm not going to worry about that right now, I'm putting it in God's hands and I trust that everything will work out fine, even if it means I stay home.
I just got back from taking the kids to school. The house is quiet except for the snoring of my bulldog who is curled up next to me. I'm going into work soon, I told them I would be late. I need some alone time, some quiet time.
Today's Daily Reflections reading is so fitting I'm going to end my post with it:
"WE PAUSE.....AND ASK"
As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 87
Today I humbly ask my Higher Power for the grace to find the space between my impulse and my action; to let flow a cooling breeze when I could respond with heat; to interrupt fierceness with gentle peace; to accept the moment which allows judgment to become discernment; to defer to silence when my tongue would rush to attack or defend.
I promise to watch for every opportunity to turn toward my Higher Power for guidance. I know where this power is: it resides within me, as clear as a mountain brook, hidden in the hills-it is the unsuspected Inner Resource.
I thank my Higher Power for this world of light and truth I see when I allow it to direct my vision. I trust it today and hope it trusts me to make all effort to find the right thought or action today.