You know, feeling like crap sucks. Big time.
I feel bad for complaining because I know there are people out there, probably reading my blog right now, who have far worse health stuff going on. But that doesn't take away from how I feel.
Yesterday I spent the day on the sofa except when I had to take kids to and from school. And I still did not feel rested. I hate that. I hate how no matter how much I sleep or rest, it's never enough. And then I have to push myself to get just about everything done and sometimes I push too hard and then I really pay for it.
I'm tired of hurting but the fatigue is the worst. I get so exhausted that it worries me to drive. This morning I was almost in tears at the thought of coming into work because I was that tired. Or maybe weary is the better word.
I spend all day fighting the fatigue and then at bedtime, I can't freaking fall asleep. It makes no sense, my body is beyond exhausted and there I lay, eyes wide open.
However, all this has sent me on quest to learn all I can about fibromyalgia and what I can do to help myself. I have to do something because I can't live this way.
So far I've learned the fatigue is normal, the pain is normal, the insomnia or whatever is normal, the brain fog is normal. At least I know I'm not losing my mind or becoming a hypochondriac. As I browsed ahead a bit in the book I'm reading I saw that I will need to give up sugar, white flour, caffeine, all artificial sweeteners-I stopped reading after that. And while I do balk about giving up all that, I realized that I consume all of those things, everyday and alot of them. So maybe there is something there and while it will be damn hard to give up that stuff, if it makes me feel better, I'm willing.
This reminds me of when I came into AA. I was feeling so bad, I was willing to do whatever I had to do to get better.
Song from the Silence
16 hours ago